Each of us struggles with the classic victor versus victim mentality but the fact remains that we can choose how we view our world. But some of us adopt the victim mentality, and we all may be guilty of this at certain times in our lives. Life is full of knocks but our response is what matters. Victors see them as challenges to be overcome while victims wallow in self-pity-why me!
We need to be alert to the triggers which can trick us into the victim mindset. These can play havoc with our well-being, lifestyle, and work life. These can include looking back at the past with regrets. But there is no future in the past-forget it and move on. Another trigger is when we compare ourselves unfavourably with others. Forget that too! We must lead our own life and exploit our own potential. Look inwards to see what we can achieve not outwards to other people. Strength lies within.
We may not be aware of how we can become a victim of our own negative thought processes. Each of us has thousands of thoughts daily and 90% of them come from the past. Our mental selection process might cause us to filter those thoughts and we can unconsciously select those which made us unhappy. We may even revisit them to assign blame to others, to make excuses for our past behaviour or to re-ignite our anger. Why bother? The past always tries to influence our attitudes and affects our humour. Don’t let that happen-draw those heavy drape curtains in your mind to block out any past thoughts which could diminish your happiness today.
We can also wallow in self-pity when we feel hurt, humiliated, or rejected. Yet it is difficult, if not impossible, to undo the acts which caused those feelings. We need to be strong to self-repair and try not to have these feelings dominate our lives. We can choose not to let others hurt us, or diminish our self-worth and our potential for happiness. We need to beware of sometimes being more comfortable being the victim. We must accept responsibility for how we feel because our feelings are our responsibility alone.
Anger and bitterness are classic signs of the victim mentality. We need to let go of the hurt and pain if we want to be free. When we become more aware of the nature of our internal dialogue we can take more control over our mindset and attitude. We all can default to negativity so we need to work on looking at the bright side of life. Happiness is a choice and when we accept that, we can begin to be happy with our lives. We should celebrate our achievements and celebrate that we have such good qualities as, kindness, consideration and generosity.
Positive people can help us as they are great role models. Clearly, they do not let the past dominate the present. They tend to focus on solutions, set goals and are motivated. They have self-confidence and energy. They deal in hope and are supportive of others. They accept responsibility and try to meet all reasonable expectations. These are the qualities of the victor, not the victim.
A good trick is always to start the day with positive thoughts as these will fuel our attitude. We can each choose our attitude for the day ahead and be determined not to be derailed by maintaining our positive attitude. Only you can determine to have an improved lifestyle, a better attitude and a positive mindset. Taking control is a choice we can all make. Start today.
(Feature photo:Daniil- Kuzelev-vision-Unsplash)